2020
By now it almost feels like a cliché to write, but 2020 has been so tough for so many of us. Working as a psychotherapist puts you at the coalface of pain and challenges experienced by many - and yet not all - of us this year. It has felt different for me in my work as I have also been living through the confusion, fear, stress, stuckness, frustration and grief that is felt and explored in the therapy room. Similarly, in my own life I have really valued moments of fun and laughter, and some more time to do nothing! What has struck me throughout is how fast things can change, and what a shock this can be. I’ve equally noticed how we as humans can and do change, a process supported by tons of self care, nourishment and developing our ability to regulate stress.
It has been a humbling time of extremes, survival and shattered dreams for some, but dramatising the year will not help. I am curious about what we can learn about ourselves, about reality, about being human. Check for a moment with yourself if this feels like the right time to reflect. Perhaps you are needing to be far away from anything related to 2020 and are focused on getting through each day as it comes. It’s so important to honour whatever you need in each moment. If you feel drawn to read on, do!
Can we, if we are ready, gently look over the parapet to see all that has changed in our world, both externally and internally? Can we feel and integrate what has arisen? And can we honour our resistances to acknowledge sometimes painful truths, the places we aren’t yet ready to go, the feelings that are too unbearable to accept?
Changes in the World Around Us
Change can be imposed on us from the outside, as has been so obvious this year. Lockdowns, changes in work and schooling, travel and ways of relating have all required us to adjust and re-organise, sometimes significantly. This is in addition to the usual ups and downs of life! Change can threaten our illusion of control and the world view that we hold.
When the harshness of the external world grates against us, we might shut down or dissociate, cutting off from a range of feelings like anger, sadness and fear. And this might be exactly what needs to happen to get through this time. With attention, breath, warmth and safety, feelings may begin to stir again. Being able to access and express these in whatever form that makes sense to each individual helps to release tension and integrate what we’ve been through.
“There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” - C. S. Lewis
Change is natural and constant; something that continuously chugs along in the background without us noticing. Consider the change from an in-breath to an out-breath, cells in the body dying and renewing, or moving from Winter into Spring. Knowing that everything changes can be comforting when facing a difficult period of life: “This too shall pass” can bring some relief and hope that the present struggle will end.
Changes can also be motivated by the inner will. I can want to change and consciously focus on putting things into motion, like moving beyond an addiction or putting effort into developing a healthier lifestyle. Although this might initially be outside my comfort zone, actively doing things to take care and nurture myself can be really empowering and support the growth of consciousness. And such changes are sustained when the desire to change comes from the self: I love myself and value myself enough to do this.
Pausing
To reflect on what has changed in the world around me and the world inside myself, I need to pause. This is a gift that these quieter Winter months especially can offer, when Nature draws inwards to gather its energy. By granting myself some time to reflect, I can ‘catch up with myself’ if needed, and perhaps turn towards the range and depth of emotions that have been stirred by this year. Choosing to pause and sit with myself can also be scary: What might I feel or realise? And it may be enough for now simply to acknowledge this fear.
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.” - Carl Rogers
Reflection, whether done alone or with another person, is a chance to weave the inner world with experiences we go through, and weave various parts of the self together. To help bring this year full of changes to a close, here are some self-reflection questions that you might like to write or draw about:
1. If your experiences of 2020 were made into your own personal music album, what image/s or colours would be on the record cover? What would you call the album? What would the tracks be about and how might they sound?
2. What aspects of yourself were harder to access this year?
3. What do you want to let go of? What have you realised no longer serves you?
4. Change involves both loss and gain. Reflect on how these themes have shown up this year.
5. Has your experience of this year changed how you view your family / your friends / your colleagues / your community / the wider world? How?
6. Can you remember any precious insights from the year? Did you have any aha! moments that were important to you?
7. What and who supported you through the year? What would be helpful to take forward into 2021?
